middleportal.com – Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it isn’t without its challenges. No one enters a marriage expecting it to be easy, but some habits can slowly erode the connection that once made it so special.
Relationship therapists have long observed the things couples do that undermine the health of their marriage. And while some of these habits are common, they’re also preventable with the right awareness and effort.
Here’s a breakdown of the things relationship therapists are begging married couples to stop doing. Whether you’re newlywed or have been together for years, these insights will help you build a stronger, more fulfilling partnership.
1. Taking Each Other for Granted
In the beginning, everything feels fresh and exciting. But as time goes on, it’s easy to fall into the trap of routine. One of the most damaging things couples can do is take each other for granted.
Therapists emphasize the importance of expressing gratitude toward your partner. Small acts of appreciation go a long way in reminding your spouse that they are valued and loved. Neglecting to show appreciation can make them feel unimportant, leading to resentment or emotional withdrawal.
2. Avoiding Difficult Conversations
It’s natural to want to avoid conflict, especially when you’re already feeling emotionally drained. However, relationship therapists stress that avoiding tough conversations only makes problems worse. When emotions are left unaddressed, they can simmer under the surface, creating bigger issues down the line.
Whether it’s about finances, intimacy, or your future plans, therapists encourage couples to face difficult conversations head-on. The sooner you address an issue, the less likely it is to fester and cause resentment.
3. Neglecting Emotional Intimacy
Physical intimacy is vital to a relationship, but emotional intimacy is even more crucial. Therapists argue that when couples stop sharing their thoughts, dreams, fears, and daily experiences, they start to drift apart.
Emotional intimacy requires effort, vulnerability, and time. It’s not just about sharing the big moments but about creating a space where both partners feel heard and understood. Therapy often emphasizes the importance of meaningful conversations that go beyond the surface level. Make time to connect emotionally, not just physically.
4. Using the Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is one of the most destructive habits in a marriage. While it might seem like a way to “win” or “punish” your partner, it actually prevents the resolution of conflict. Instead of creating space for reflection, the silent treatment creates distance and hurts both partners.
Relationship therapists urge couples to stop using silence as a weapon. Instead, aim for healthy communication, even during difficult moments. This means expressing your feelings, acknowledging your partner’s perspective, and working together to resolve the issue at hand.
5. Constantly Criticizing Your Partner
Constructive feedback is one thing, but constant criticism can be detrimental. A relationship therapist might point out that relentless negative comments can erode a partner’s self-esteem and create feelings of inadequacy. When criticism becomes a regular part of the dynamic, it can start to feel like an attack on their character, rather than an opportunity for growth.
If you want to build a positive and supportive marriage, focus on offering praise and encouragement. Even when discussing something that could be improved, use language that shows respect and consideration.
6. Comparing Your Partner to Others
Another bad habit many couples fall into is comparing their spouse to others, whether it’s friends, family members, or even ex-partners. This can make your partner feel inferior and cause unnecessary tension.
Therapists encourage couples to focus on each other’s unique qualities and strengths. Every relationship is different, and trying to measure your partner against someone else will only lead to dissatisfaction. Instead of comparisons, celebrate what makes your partner special.
7. Ignoring Self-Care
It’s easy to become so absorbed in the relationship that you neglect your own well-being. However, therapists believe that taking care of yourself is crucial for a healthy marriage. When one partner isn’t tending to their physical, emotional, and mental health, it can create imbalance within the relationship.
Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for both partners to thrive. Healthy marriages are made up of two individuals who feel fulfilled and supported, not just by each other, but by their own self-care practices. Make time for your hobbies, friends, and personal goals, and encourage your partner to do the same.
8. Shutting Down During Arguments
When a disagreement arises, it’s natural to get defensive. However, shutting down completely during an argument is detrimental to the relationship. Relationship therapists warn that emotionally shutting off can leave the other person feeling unheard and isolated.
Instead of withdrawing, it’s important to stay present, even when emotions are running high. This means listening to your partner’s perspective and responding with empathy. When both partners stay engaged and work through their emotions together, it strengthens the connection and leads to better resolutions.
9. Neglecting to Spend Quality Time Together
Life gets busy—work, children, and daily responsibilities can make it difficult to carve out time for each other. However, neglecting to spend quality time together can lead to feelings of disconnection and loneliness. Relationship therapists consistently stress the importance of regular date nights, vacations, or simply making time to hang out without distractions.
Quality time doesn’t always have to be extravagant. Even small moments, like cooking together or watching a movie without phones, can reignite intimacy and connection. The key is consistency and intention.
10. Resisting Change
As people grow, so do their needs and desires. Resisting change or refusing to evolve with your partner can create tension. A marriage requires both partners to grow and adapt over time, which might mean changing routines, goals, or even perspectives.
Therapists recommend embracing change and allowing your relationship to evolve with the phases of life. Rather than clinging to old habits, couples should be open to new experiences, interests, and ways of connecting. This mutual growth keeps the relationship dynamic and fresh.
11. Overlooking Physical Touch
Physical touch is more than just about intimacy; it’s also about connection. Studies have shown that physical touch, like holding hands or hugging, can reduce stress and increase feelings of security. Yet, many couples stop being affectionate over time, especially when life gets busy.
Therapists encourage couples to maintain physical touch throughout their relationship, even when things aren’t perfect. Simple gestures of affection can strengthen the emotional bond and remind both partners that they are loved and cherished.
Marriage is a partnership that requires effort, attention, and care. Relationship therapists often see couples make mistakes that, if corrected, could lead to stronger, more fulfilling relationships. From showing appreciation to tackling tough conversations and prioritizing emotional intimacy, the habits that harm marriages are often the ones that are easiest to fix.
By recognizing these harmful patterns and making a commitment to change, couples can build a relationship that lasts. Marriage isn’t always smooth sailing, but with the right mindset, support, and strategies, it can be a deeply rewarding journey.
