Friendship has always been part of growing up, but many young people today say it feels harder than ever. Gen Z, roughly those born between the late 1990s and early 2010s, is the first generation to come of age entirely in a smartphone-saturated world. Many have also entered adulthood during a global pandemic, an economic slowdown, and a steady rise in loneliness. So if you have ever wondered why it is so hard for Gen Z to make friends, you are asking a question that researchers, therapists, and young people themselves are trying to answer.
The short answer is that making friends now requires more effort, more time, and more deliberate planning than it did for previous generations. The longer answer involves social habits, technology, money, and even the way young people think about friendship itself.
The Loneliness Problem Behind the Headlines
Surveys over the past several years have painted a consistent picture. In 2020, health insurer Cigna released a study that found Gen Z and Millennials reported higher levels of loneliness than older adults, and the gap was significant. The findings prompted wide discussion about whether young people were simply more open about their feelings or whether they were genuinely more isolated.
The issue gained federal attention in 2023, when U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued an advisory titled Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. The report warned that lacking strong social connections poses health risks comparable to those of smoking and obesity. It also highlighted that young adults were among those reporting some of the highest levels of loneliness. For many Gen Z readers, that report was a validation: the struggle to find people to hang out with was not a personal failing but a broader social shift.
Research from the Survey Center on American Life has also tracked a decline in close friendships. Its surveys found that the share of Americans who say they have no close friends rose sharply between 1990 and 2021. Young men in particular reported fewer close friends than they once did, a trend that has sparked a wider conversation about a so-called “friendship recession.”
Friendship Takes Longer Than We Think
One of the most useful insights into this problem comes from communication researcher Jeffrey Hall of the University of Kansas. In a 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Hall estimated how many hours it takes to move through the stages of friendship. His research suggested it takes about 50 hours of time together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, around 90 hours to become a friend, and more than 200 hours to become a close friend.
For Gen Z, those hours are harder to find. Many young people juggle part-time jobs, internships, university workloads, and family responsibilities. Others work remotely, which means they may go days without seeing anyone in person. Even when people do have free time, it is often scattered in small pockets, making it difficult to build the repeated, unhurried contact that real friendships need.
Friendship also depends on what Hall and other researchers call “accidental” contact: sitting next to someone in class, running into the same coworkers at the coffee machine, or spending long hours in the same dorm. These low-pressure moments once gave people room to get to know one another without planning anything. Fewer such moments exist today, especially for young adults who study or work online or in hybrid roles.
The Pandemic Left a Lasting Mark
The COVID-19 pandemic arrived at a critical time for many Gen Z members. Teenagers lost months of classroom interaction, sports, clubs, and after-school hangouts. Those who started college or first jobs during lockdowns often missed the informal social rituals that help new adults form bonds.
Even after restrictions ended, many habits did not return to normal. Remote learning, hybrid work, and a preference for staying home have become more common. Some young people discovered they were comfortable with fewer social obligations and never fully resumed the routines that once led to new friendships. Others found the transition back to in-person socializing awkward and tiring, with social skills that felt rusty after years of limited interaction.
Mental health also played a role. Anxiety and depression rates among young people rose during the pandemic, and many Gen Z adults say they feel nervous in new social settings. When anxiety makes every invitation feel like a test, it becomes easier to decline plans, and that avoidance can slowly shrink a person’s social circle.
Social Media Changes the Way We Connect
Smartphones and social media are often blamed for Gen Z’s social struggles, and the picture is more complicated than a simple villain story. Digital platforms make it easy to stay in touch with hundreds of people at once. A message thread or a group chat can keep friendships alive across cities and time zones. Online communities also help young people who feel isolated at school or at home find others who share their interests, identities, or hobbies.
The problem is that online contact can replace, rather than supplement, in-person time. Scrolling through a friend’s stories can create a feeling of closeness without the shared experiences that build real trust. Many young people describe having dozens of online “friends” but only a handful of people they could call during a crisis.
Social media can also raise the bar. Curated posts make other people’s lives look busier, happier, and more exciting, which can make ordinary social lives feel inadequate. When a young person compares their weekend to a stranger’s highlight reel, they may start to believe that everyone else has better friendships, and they may hesitate to reach out.
Meanwhile, the constant availability of entertainment, from streaming shows to short videos, competes with the effort required to make plans. Staying in can feel easier and more rewarding in the moment, even when it leads to long-term isolation.
Higher Expectations and Fear of Rejection
Some experts suggest that Gen Z’s approach to friendship is shaped by high standards and a desire for emotional safety. Many young people value authenticity, mental health awareness, and open communication. They may be more likely to look for friends who share their values and who respect boundaries. In theory, these are healthy goals. In practice, they can make the search for friends feel demanding.
Fear of rejection is another barrier. Making friends as an adult often involves asking someone to hang out, sending the first message, or admitting that you want to see someone again. For people who grew up with online reactions, read receipts, and public comments, the risk of being ignored can feel very real. It is easier to wait for someone else to make the first move, which often means nothing happens at all.
There is also a phenomenon sometimes called “friendship ghosting” or simply drifting apart without a clear conversation. Because friendships can feel casual and easy to end, some young people hesitate to invest deeply, fearing they will be left behind. This cautious approach can prevent the vulnerability that close friendships require.
The Cost of Socializing
Money matters too. Many Gen Z adults are facing high rent, rising food prices, student debt, and uncertain job markets. A night out with friends can involve transportation, drinks, food, and entrance fees, which may be too expensive for someone on a tight budget. Turning down invitations for financial reasons is common, and it can leave a person feeling excluded even when the reason is practical.
Some young people find it hard to suggest cheaper alternatives because they worry about seeming boring or stingy. Others simply decide to save their money and stay home. Over time, these small choices can add up to fewer shared experiences and weaker connections.
Finding Friends in a Harder Environment
The good news is that experts generally agree friendship is still achievable for Gen Z. The solution is less about finding a magic formula and more about changing the way people approach connection.
Shared activities tend to work well. Joining a sports club, volunteering, taking a class, or attending a regular community event creates repeated contact with the same people, which is exactly what Hall’s research suggests friendships need. Showing up consistently matters more than making a dramatic first impression.
Initiative is also important. Many people wait for friendships to happen naturally, but suggesting a coffee, inviting a coworker to lunch, or following up after a good conversation can turn an acquaintance into a friend. Most people are more receptive to invitations than we imagine, and they often feel the same uncertainty about making the first move.
Balancing online and offline life can help as well. Digital tools are useful for organizing plans and keeping in touch, but they work best as a bridge to in-person time rather than a substitute for it. Setting small goals, such as seeing one friend a week or attending one event a month, can create momentum without feeling overwhelming.
Finally, seeking professional support can help for those whose anxiety or depression makes social situations feel impossible. Counselors and mental health services can help people identify patterns, build confidence, and develop social skills at a comfortable pace.
A Generation Rethinking Friendship
Gen Z’s struggle to make friends is not a sign that the generation lacks warmth or desire for connection. In fact, many young people say they want deeper friendships and feel frustrated by how hard they are to build. The challenge lies in a combination of shifting social habits, digital distractions, lingering effects of the pandemic, financial pressure, and the natural difficulty of making time for people in a busy world.
Understanding these forces can make the problem feel less personal. Friendship is not something that simply happens to a person; it is built through repeated, intentional effort. For Gen Z, that effort may look different from the friendships of earlier decades, but the core needs remain the same: to feel seen, supported, and understood.
As researchers and policymakers continue to address loneliness, more attention is likely to focus on creating spaces where young people can meet naturally, from community programs to workplaces that encourage social connection. In the meantime, the most practical step may be the simplest one: reaching out to someone
